does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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