apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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