so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
