Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
