I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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