I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
