ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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