At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
