The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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