Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize