well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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