We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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