get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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