Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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