Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
