Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
