the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize