I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
