Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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