the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
