singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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