My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
