$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
