We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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