Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
