I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize