well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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