the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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