I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
