she woke up with a sticky ear
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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