Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
