Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
