remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
