Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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