Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
