Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
