so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it hurts more in the daytime
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
