is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
