Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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