we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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