theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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