I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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