you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
