I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
