People with herpes should wear stickers.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
