i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
