My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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