party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
