i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
