I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
