It's like God shit irony all over that family
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
