a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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