It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
