I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
