omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
