I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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