life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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