planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
