Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
