i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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