not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
