champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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