do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
