Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
