so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
pray to the hookup gods
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
