first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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