im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
