Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
