dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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