i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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