if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
