the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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