just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
