I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
