perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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