i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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