watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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