the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
