What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
