My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
