Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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