this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
